I leave town in one week...

So here's a song! Please listen to the whole thing (the bass part is pretty important, so use a subwoofer if you have one). The first part is pretty close to the original, then I added a breakdown with some atmospheric textures. It's very embarrasing to post a song with vocals up here.

Weird Fishes/Arpeggi

All the instruments (minus the drum loops) are me. Words and music written by: definitely not me.

Do you ever stop to reflect on the magnitude of your responsibility to yourself?

As you may have heard, I will indeed be leaving for Japan to teach English for the JET Program. I will be there for at least a year, but my contract is renewable for up to five years. Just to keep in contact with the world I know here in the States, I will start a new blog chronicling whatever misadventures I get into in the land of the rising sun.

In lieu of that url (yet), here's something funny:

How to Dissuade Yourself from Becoming a Blogger
1. Find five completely random blogs, and read them daily for a month. After thirty days, you will absolutely dread your self-imposed requirement to read all that dreck. Any blog you create will most likely be on par with what you've been reading.

2. Consider that your voice, even if it is truly a good one, is a tiny peep against the massive wave of tripe out there. The odds of anyone you don't already know finding your blog are low.

3. Write on a regular basis in a text editor instead. If that doesn't satisfy your urge then you might just be craving attention and validation--which you'll never truly find in a blog. If you give up on your Wordpad journal after about three days, you'll do the same with a blog that just takes up server space.

4. Ask yourself if you really have the time to commit to a blog. Instead of whining about all the things you wish you were doing instead, start doing something that'd actually be worth writing about. And if it's really worth writing about, you'll be having too much fun doing it to tear yourself away from it.

Remind me again, why am I going to this strange country?

Today's Most Publishable Thought

Ever since I found full episodes of Carl Sagan's Cosmos on the interweb I've been thinking a lot more about the universe as a whole from the perspective of our modern knowledge of outer space (as imparted to me by the Discovery Channel).

Anywhere outside of our mother earth is bound to be hostile to our human bodies because we evolved specifically for life on a planet in a window of time so small on the grand scheme (before us there were 4 billion years of prokaryotic simple celled life, 6 billion more years until the simplest of animals even appeared, and then the dinosaurs ruled the planet for 160 million years... and that was 230 million years ago in the very place where you're sitting, reading this (well... really, here in Kansas there'd be an ocean filled with creatures we may never know a thing about).

In contrast: our species has only even looked the way it does for 200,000 years. Christopher Columbus-- nevermind Leif Eriksson, Henry I Sinclair, or Earl of Orkney-- only informed the "civilized world" of the existence of the American continents a mere 500 years ago. Our perspective of the cosmic waltz is so limited with our lifespans (only 50 percent of children born in 1900 would even make it to age 50).

With our whole dear planet clearly visible to any idiot with Google Earth these days, outer space is truly the final frontier. The fact that humans have the space travel capabilities (meager as they may seem compared to science fiction, though we've certainly come a long way since the Apollo missions) that are as advanced as they are in our lifetimes is really exciting.

Now everyone knows me: I think Bush is a disgraceful president and feel it would be a tremendous victory for many things I believe in if Barrack Obama was elected President next year (sorry, this isn't a political ad; bear with me). But one of the last things Bush has mentioned in his last years as president is that we should push forward with the space program. I know we're in horrific debt that my children will still be paying for... but I TOTALLY AGREE with Bush on this one.

Recently NASA has been hard at work (i.e. spending millions of dollars) planning an as-of-yet-unscheduled mission back to the moon, possibly to set up a base camp, possibly to facilitate later manned (or womanned) missions to Mars. With the evidence of fossilized life on Mars we've found in the past, I think Mars is a place where we may even broaden our perspective on how life forms.

Here's a video NASA put out last year to sort of rally support for the project:
Badass, huh?

Maybe other people won't agree with me because of the spending required to fund these projects in search of what Carl Sagan says "just might end up being the most profoundly impactful moment for humanity, for the history... of history." I heartily disagree with plunging into some strange insurmountable debt over a war that only breeds more hatred and death, but maybe some things are more important than a "national deficit."

theory vs. practice

Well, It's been super hectic so I haven't photoshopped anything in a while. But I'm posting this unfinished fragment of a song to prove to myself that my creative life isn't lying dormant under all my school work.

Click here to hear my song.

Please listen to the whole song if you're actually planning on listening at all, I'm secretly rather proud of it. The only thing not recorded by me is the drum loop (and samples from a '70s news show sprinkled in there for good measure). Enjoy.

the way you move is a mystery

direct clicks here

Just a small diversion for today. This was actually a screen grab from the Let It Be movie (somebody brought their little girl-- I'm not sure who she is). It's kinda pretty.

your friend's basement is always cooler than yours

here's a new desktop background for you, Liney

this one has to be seen full size

This one actually came from the sunset picture (like the last one). You can definitely see the clouds in the middle of this one, as well as the sun on the right, and the lens flair on the left.

kaerb adeen I

you know the drill

Well, I can't sleep. So here's a new picture. I think I made the message in the title a little too obvious...

"nineteen sixty-nine, in the sunshine"

please be clicking here

as promised: the triumphant return of color :)
this image was entirely generated in photoshop

"one baby to another says 'i'm lucky to've met you'"

clicky clicky

a. color will come back when i've successfully completed my job interview
b. tilt'cher lcd

four jewels

(please click to enlarge)

"the farther one travels / the less one really knows"

This started off as snowflakes. Oops.

(I practically insist you click to enlarge.)

Merry Christmas everybody.

"It's so fine, it's sunshine..."

I was just bitten by the traveling bug, or premature spring fever, or senioritis-- I don't know what to call it but all of a sudden I want to hit the road. I don't need preparations or accommodations, finding your way is half the fun.

Maybe I should start planning Spring Break? Or maybe I should just hit the road now and see what happens. I'll probably wait for the snow to melt a little...

:)

Julia's Cartoon thought about you.

It's real good. :)

"You'll make it through / with another point of view again"

My application to JET will be completed today.
Then, it's out of my hands.
That'll be a relief.

Nothing is ever just as it seems. The more I try to look at the world from new perspectives, the more the chaos seems to make sense... in whatever way chaos can make sense that is.


But on a better note, Julia showed me the first minute of her animation final project last night, and it's spectacular! If she posts it on her blog I'll be sure to link to it. :)

"Down is the new up"

There's nothing like looking at yourself on paper to realize that you're not all that impressive on paper. My JET application is due on Dec. 4th, so I'm getting it all ready this week to ship off to D.C. Wish me luck everybody.

I still don't have my computer, but I'm hoping to get it back soon. I guess I'm going to be at the library doing research for my oral report from actual books(!) tonight. I was about to say that I'm enjoying not having a computer for the time being, but the irony of using this forum to do is just staggering.

I think I'm going to try and make time to watch the Abbey Road documentary again this week, though. Seems like that would be a fun thing to do.

"Forget about your house of cards..."

My embrace of Dadaism

This is not a pipe.

Some of you may know this, but it's been an odd half year for me. I have undergone what I can only call an existential journey that has very powerfully effected my day-to-day life in both positive and negative ways. At times it has been enjoyable, but other times it has been terrifying; descending into the depths of relativism ("everything = everything else" WTF?!) and trying to smash my brain around the dualistic nature of the universe got so tiring that I had all but accepted nihilism, not out of agreement with the movement, but out of surrender.

But today I awoke with a strange new perception on my bedroom, my duplex, my street, and the rest of the world around me. It is absurd. Why do bad things happen to good people? There is no 'why,' it's just absurd. And since no matter what I do there's nothing I can do to stop that fact, I may as well just accept the world for what it is and enjoy the consumate beauty that exists within it.

That's right: Dadaism is, at very least, the point my existential crisis has taken me to for the time being. For those unfamiliar with Dadaism, Wikipedia tells us, "Many Dadaists believed that the 'reason' and 'logic' of bourgeois society had led people into the horrors of war. They expressed their rejection of that ideology in artistic expression that appeared to reject logic and embrace chaos and irrationality. For example, George Grosz later recalled that his Dadaist art was intended as a protest 'against this world of mutual destruction'."

So from this movement we start to see art that represents that idea of enjoying the world as it is, despite it's obvious foibles. A great example of this is René Clair's short film Paris Qui Dort, "Paris is Asleep" where several young people awake to find that everyone and everything other than themselves in the world has frozen in time, so they go out and do all the things they couldn't do before, such as having a picnic lunch on the Eiffel Tower and much other silliness. (It's a 30 minute silent film in case any of you brave souls want to watch it)

Silliness. That's what I want. I've never had any problem being serious when I knew the time was right, I usually push people to talk about their problems more than they probably want me to, so without letting go of my understanding that there will always be pain in the world I embrace the silliness that goes right along with it. I embrace Dadaism.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go have lunch on the Effel Tower.

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(Since I don't expect anyone to make it all the way through "Paris is Asleep," here's a shorter Dadaist film by Hans Richter called "Ghosts Before Breakfast." I highly reccomend watching some of it at least.)
The flying hats are priceless :) though message may be a little lost today.

"You do it to yourself, and that's what really hurts"

When I was a young kid (age 6 or so) I loved summer. The hotter the better. My friends and I would go swimming, climb trees, ride bikes, and occasionally stay out late enough to howl at the moon-- just to tell the neighborhood that we were alive. Summer was where it was at.
Later in life, (circa age 14) I loved winter. Hot chocolate, the Christmas season, the ever alluring possibility of a snow day... I loved bundling and going outside. Winter was pretty awesome.

Nowadays my favorite season is autumn. It was never glamorous to me as a kid; it's not as hot as the summer, it's not as cold as the winter, I stopped trick-or-treating before high school. But now the consistency and quietness of this time of year serves as a much needed repose from summer, and a welcome breather before the hectic holidays.
Perhaps as I'm getting older I'm coming to appreciate the understated beauty of moderate weather and the gentle slow changing colors of the leaves. It can't all be 90-degree days and snow storms. And hell, the view outside my window as I write this is far more beautiful than any indian summer I've ever seen. The grounding concept of moderation consistently permeates my life.

"For a minute there, I lost myself"

At the Union we have a hand-punch system to clock in and out of work for the day, so when you place your hand on the scanner it verifies that it is indeed you clocking in. When you do this, it gives you a "score" which gauges the margin of error that it's actually you placing your hand on the machine-- anything lower than 50% and they trust that it's really you.

Last Friday I clocked in for the day to get some work on a few DVD menus Mark asked me to design, and when I placed my palm on the hand-punch machine I got the highest margin of error I've ever seen on there; it was 49% likely that I was actually myself on Friday.

Stupid machines. What do they know anyway?

"spitting feathers, splitting hairs"

I sat in meditation for about an hour this evening. Lately I've been really into meditating, doing all the little techniques I've learned over the past years, doing it the way I'm "supposed to," ambulation, transfer of merits, etc... but tonight I didn't light any incense, I didn't listen to Ravi Shankar, I just sat down and started erasing all the extraneous bullshit from my brain.

It was fantastic.
To let go.
"To let that which does not matter truly slide."

Leave it to me to start trying too hard at meditation of all things. But hey, the important thing is that I noticed it, and gently reminded myself that nobody knows my mind better than myself. I am the master of my own destiny-- it's time to start acting like it again.

Though it's great to take advice along the way, for instance Hakuin Ekaku said,

"What is this true meditation? It is to make everything: coughing, swallowing, waving the arms, motion, stillness, words, action, the evil and the good, prosperity and shame, gain and loss, right and wrong, into one single koan."

... and there's a Jane's Addiction song that goes,

"When was the last time you did anything / Not for me, or anyone else / Just because?"

But today I said,

"I'm going to start making decisions for myself."

And he did.