"spitting feathers, splitting hairs"

I sat in meditation for about an hour this evening. Lately I've been really into meditating, doing all the little techniques I've learned over the past years, doing it the way I'm "supposed to," ambulation, transfer of merits, etc... but tonight I didn't light any incense, I didn't listen to Ravi Shankar, I just sat down and started erasing all the extraneous bullshit from my brain.

It was fantastic.
To let go.
"To let that which does not matter truly slide."

Leave it to me to start trying too hard at meditation of all things. But hey, the important thing is that I noticed it, and gently reminded myself that nobody knows my mind better than myself. I am the master of my own destiny-- it's time to start acting like it again.

Though it's great to take advice along the way, for instance Hakuin Ekaku said,

"What is this true meditation? It is to make everything: coughing, swallowing, waving the arms, motion, stillness, words, action, the evil and the good, prosperity and shame, gain and loss, right and wrong, into one single koan."

... and there's a Jane's Addiction song that goes,

"When was the last time you did anything / Not for me, or anyone else / Just because?"

But today I said,

"I'm going to start making decisions for myself."

And he did.