What did we know about ourselves before we had the internet to tell us...?

"Though your motives arise from genuine compassion, some people might think of you as "a little too good to be true." They could suspect that your kindness is something you use to ingratiate yourself with others or to get them to like you. Others may suspect that your altruism is a mask for your own problems; you take care of others but never let others get to know you well enough to offer you their care. Some of this suspicion may be genuine; they just can't believe you're this kind. But it may also be triggered by envy; people see in you a tenderheartedness they don't find in themselves, and it makes them uncomfortable so they take it out on you with their suspicions.

Another critical response others may have may be something you want to take a serious look at. If you spend your time taking care of others, you may not have enough left to take very good care of yourself. If you're always asking, "What can I do for you?", you may not focus enough on your own needs. You're so busy taking care of others that you neglect yourself and empty your reserves of energy and good health. Like we said, give it consideration and if it doesn't fit move on."

"People... People who need people..."

Listen to me while you listen :)

Whenever it all seems insane, I turn back to Thich Nhat Hanh.

People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong.
Why not try and see positive things,
to just touch those things and make them bloom?

Buddhism for me is all about realization. I tend to agree with the Zen Buddhists who say that enlightenment comes in a sudden flash when you're not even concentrating on it. You'll be sweeping the leaves on the front walk and all of a sudden it all makes sense.
The trick isn't achieving enlightenment, the trick is surviving until you can have that sudden realization... and not getting too wrapped up in your own bullshit in the meantime.

We humans are funny little creatures. Everyone in the world needs someone (especially the people who act like they don't need anyone), but the real challenge is finding an equilibrium with someone you need who also needs you-- you have a perfect balance of give and take, or at least you can eventually keep that balance before one of you falls off of the relationship.

Please keep Crystal in your thoughts. It's never easy to lose a loved one, especially so suddenly.

I miss Carl Sagan.

Also, check it out: Lindsey and I play Beatles music (again).

"Say the word and you'll be free, Say the word and be like me."

I love my job. For those of you who don't know it, I work for KU Media Productions-- a little production company based in the Union that does commercials for the University as well as free lance video production for any paying customers. Basically that means on any given day I could be shooting/editing/etc. literally anything you could think of.

So today I went back into work for the first time in a few days. I was kinda scared my boss Mark would be mad that I hadn't been free to work for a while, but he was just genuinely happy to see me again and chatted me up about my first week of school and his new house his family just moved into. Mark is just a great boss (and a good friend).

But the interview was the real reason for this entry: we spoke to Professor Mohammad El-Hodiri, economist, mathematician, and poet extraordinaire. He was born and educated in Cairo, studied for several years in Russia, and has generally been a globetrotter most of his life. He now resides in Lawrence and teaches with such enthusiasm for academia at KU (enough so to be recognized enough that we were asked to film this piece on him ;) ). He really expanded my mind when he spoke. I love fascinating people.

In the meantime, it was actually a very long and hard day for me, so I really just want to coast through the rest of this week, listen to some great music (I've been super hooked on Rubber Soul lately), and really hit the semester hard starting next week. So I suckle the last sweet drops from freedom's teet before putting in an effort I can be proud of my senior year.

"You know I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind"

Listen to me while you read :)

I guess you could say I had a bit of an accident. I was in the back of a pile up on 19th street. Could have happened to anybody. I suppose I wanted to start off the semester with a bang...

So I think back to my Buddhism.

Why do I feel the way I do right now?
--Because I probably need a new car.
Oh, so you lost your car? Why were you clinging to an inanimate object anyway?
--Yeah, it's just a thing, but it certainly made getting around easier.
Didn't you just get that cool new bike? It's not like Lawrence is that big.
--That's true, I just get tired of showing up places all sweaty.
Sounds to me like you're still clinging. You and I both know that's source of duhka.
--Wanting things to go the way I want them to is clinging?
Absolutely! Clinging to the way you think things should be? Why do you think you know how the universe should conduct it's business?
--I don't claim to know, I just want a break, that's all.
So give yourself a break. Use meditation, stop ruminating, be mindful of every beautiful moment. Only you can bring yourself joy, nobody's going to come and offer you your happiness for free.
--Sometimes I wish they would.
I know man, me too. What music are you listening to right now?
--A song called "Drive" by Blind Melon.
"Drive?" Are you kidding me? Cut it out, I'm serious. What would make you happy right now?
--[whisper whisper whisper]
...You need to get yourself a puppy or something. What else can you think of?
--...Let's see. I love doing things for other people. Does that count?
Hmm, I'm a little skeptical. Will it really make you happy to bring someone else joy, or are you trying to sound more noble than you actually are?
--I really want to do this. It will bring a smile to my face.
Well then go in peace. And one more thing...
--Yeah?
Just chill out man. I'm serious.
--....thanks.


Well, that was an interesting stream of consciousness experiment.

PS I had a dream last night where I told someone I was a Buddhist Catholic Nihilist. I'm starting to wish any one of those was actually true.

"And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking."

Listen to me while you read.

In thoughtful attempts to help me keep my sanity lately, everyone has been telling me not to worry about the questions I have been asking (the standard "big questions" about why we're here and the nature of our existence)... but complacency has been on my mind a lot lately since meditating at the Zen Center recently. Then two days ago Lindsey told me to check out a post on the Buddha Diaries about taking action and why the kids these days just aren't getting out there and showing how disgusted we are with the current administration and it's endless war.

Well, I'm a veteran of 4 or 5 war protests, I've been out at the peace demonstrations in downtown Kansas City, I'm not complacent am I?...am I? The answer is a very resounding "maybe." Yeah I've done enough, I've questioned enough, but I can do more. I shouldn't let my friends talk me into ignoring the problems that have plagued humanity since the dawn of time just because they don't think I'll come up with an answer... because at least I will have tried.

When the hell else can I simultaneously reject permanence and impermanence, muse about going off to Tibet to "find myself," or even accuse the very universe of not existing? My questions may be stupid, but at least they're universal, and by virtue of that I have every right to ask them-- even if it brings me distress. If Jesus, Allah, or Buddha is up there watching me I don't think they'll care that much if I put myself headlong into something that isn't technically "correct." I'd rather be foolhardy than complacent.

This is my senior year of college. I've got two relatively light semesters ahead of me, so I think I would be doing myself a disservice if I didn't get out there and support the causes I agree with, question the consumerist principals this country was founded on, and make a life for myself. I can see one of two outcomes from this decision: a) I could make some hilarious stories about my misguided adventures to tell 10 or 15 years down the line, or 2) I could really succeed and touch some people's lives or find some answers to the questions I've been asking.

My advice to the world is step 1: turn off the television, it's the only way to keep yourself out from under the spell of cathode ray mind control. :) There's really nothing good on anyway... unless you're tired from being active all day and you need some time to turn your brain off, I do that too.

Anyway, I thought the light at the end of my tunnel was acceptance, but for the time being I can't accept acceptance as the answer for anything. I'll have time for acceptance when I'm in the rest home (...at the age of 45 apparently...).

Ah, the balance of life. I don't know if some omnipotent being is keeping it in check or not, but life certainly has a way of keeping itself in balance.

Restitution

This is an open apology to the student of the University of Kansas for calling you all "mouth breathers" today in the union. I was feeling a little enochlophobic amid the lines for the bookstore and I let that get the better of me.
I aknowledge the buddha-nature/christ-nature/allah-nature/whatever-nature you all have within you and that's a beautiful thing. So, sorry for calling you mouth breathers. :)

"Life ain't so shitty"

Be sure to watch the whole thing, it gets pretty far out by the end.
I'm pretty sure I'm in love with this girl.

"And tell me no lies, make me a happy man"

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
--The Buddha

This weekend my cousin came back from his year of teaching English in Japan. It was a blast getting to catch up with him. I had a weekend of family, friends, and lots of fun.






Then why am I so lost?

"Come on along, or go alone, he's here to take his children home."

I've gotta learn to respect my perception. I've always grappled with the idea that something holds more weight if you can share it with someone else or make someone else see what you're seeing-- but to think that something I perceive is any less beautiful just because no one else saw it is simply ridiculous. Perhaps in some cases that makes it even more beautiful. This is a very important concept for me right now.

To that girl that kissed me on the cheek at tonight at the Jazz House: that may not have meant much to you, but it was quite lovely from my point of view... and that's perfectly okay. My perception is just as important as anyone else's.

---

Henry David Thoreau said, "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." My eyes are opening wider every day. But then again, Thoreau's counterpart in transcendentalism Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "People only see what they are prepared to see." Maybe I'm just now becoming ready to see everything that I am. My only fear is that the world is far too beautiful for me to take.

side note

Cheers to that drunk girl at the bar tonight who thought who thought I was her boyfriend for a second, then realized her mistake and promptly informed me that I had better hair than her actual boyfriend.

I could've sworn I needed a haircut. :)

"Kill me again with love, It's gonna be a glorious day."

Yesterday morning I came really close to walking out of the house completely naked. I had a serious compulsion to go out for a stroll naked as a jay bird. Not an exhibitionism thing, I just thought it would be so natural to go for a brief constitutional in the warm morning air without the hindrance of clothing.
I guess I'm trading Buddhism for nudism.

So follow up to the previous post: the answer is so much simpler than I was making it out to be. Vanilla Sky says the answer to 9 out of 10 questions is "money" (and in my opinion the answer to the 10th question was "sex")... but my spin on this idea is that the answer to 9 out of 10 questions about life is "moderation."

Moderation. That little word that keeps popping up in my mind; it was Ben Franklin's favorite concept for a damn good reason. In reference to my previous entry, of course I should help others. I wouldn't be me if I didn't practice compassion and empathy, they're two traits i see in myself that I'm most proud of. But if I'm not moderate in putting others before myself, I will never get around to taking care of myself at all.

Life is a balancing act. As you progress you have to lean from side to side and back again to maintain a steady balance. If you lean to heavily in any one direction you're just going to come tumbling down. Sometimes you may have to lean in one direction as a necessity to maintain balance. I made reference to a Shantideva quote two entries ago "All happiness comes from the desire for others to be happy. All misery comes from the desire for oneself to be happy." Was Shantideva wrong? Should Shantideva have been practicing moderation?

Well, not exactly. Now that I'm looking at that quote again, he's only talking about desire here. Perhaps some discrepancy in practice from desire is a good thing. Desire happiness for others but practice compassion for myself. I guess that Shantideva really knew what he was talking about, maybe I should pick up his Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way Of Life again.

I'm trying here. How does the old axiom go? Some people are born great, some people have greatness thrust upon them. If I could figure out half of the shit floating through my brain I would be truly great, but only out of necessity.
I didn't ask these questions... they were asked of me. I'm just trying to find the answers

Tired of This Dance

You do a consistently good job for as long as you can remember, and all that happens is once you let up for a moment everyone asks you, “Jeez, what happened? What’s up with you?”

If I was doing such a good job before now, why didn’t you take a minute to let me know? Positive reinforcement is much more powerful than negative reinforcement.

Tuesday was my 21st birthday and I had a great time out at the bars. Everyone was buying me drinks; even a few attractive young ladies that I had never met bought me drinks. It was a fantastic time (thank you all for coming out—every last one of you, I appreciated it so much).

But I’m an introvert. I need to follow up a night of intense socialization with a day of quiet and solitude. How come whenever I want peace and quiet someone comes knocking on my door and when I want a friend to talk to everyone’s mysteriously absent?

Bad timing on my part. I ought to work on that.

The only person you can ever truly please is yourself. I used to think that if everyone just helped his or her neighbor out, everyone would be happy… but maybe it’s that if we all look out for ourselves we’ll truly be happy. Only when you’re stupid enough to go around looking for fulfillment should you help your neighbor.

And the Buddha? What would he say? He’d tell me I’m wrong. What he doesn’t know is if I kill myself over trying to make other people happy, I won’t be around anymore to attain enlightenment. You just can’t teach a Buddha anything.

I can’t tell if this is a forever chance in my attitude or just one of those short-term things. Whichever it is, it’s leaving my brow furrowed in the mean time. I’m just tired of learning the answers to questions I never asked.
I don’t actually want anybody to think I’m Superman or anything. I just want other people to see me with the same respect I have for myself. I’m pretty damn great… but maybe I don’t let anybody close enough to figure that out.

I'm going to regret posting this in an hour or so when I remember exactly how painfully beautiful, perfectly pulchritudinous this world really is.

"Did I make me up? Or make the face 'till it stuck? I do the best immitation of myself."

Take a vacation from myself? That's ridiculous! Nigh impossible! ...just crazy enough to work!

Bob McClane: What is it that is exactly the same about every single vacation you have ever taken?
Douglas Quaid: I give up.
Bob McClane: You! You're the same. No matter where you go, there you are. It's always the same old you. Let me suggest that you take a vacation from yourself. I-I know it sounds wild.

I'm heading out for the 10,000 Lakes Music and Camping Festival this week (at the Detroit Lakes in Minnesota to see Bob Weir and Ratdog, Zappa Plays Zappa, Unphrey's McGee, String Cheese Incident, moe., Galactic, and many others including perhaps most the important for me: the beautiful talented Kaki King.

But this trip will be as much about the music and camping (at beautiful Lake Sallie) as it will be decompression time for me. No, it has not been an arduous summer-- hard maybe, but not arduous. But I need some time to think about everything: that's what the first half of the week is for. Then the second half of the week, I will forget about everything and just have fun. I've always taken serious consideration into a Shantideva quote I once read, "All happiness comes from the desire for others to be happy. All misery comes from the desire for oneself to be happy." Well if that's true then maybe this week I could use a little misery. A little vacation from my usual standards of making other people happy.

Atisha said, "The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go." This week my mind will let go, and camping out in nature, hopefully I will bring out my inner Buddha-nature. I want to meditate on the cliffs above Lake Sallie, I want to become one with the trees around our camp ground, I want to let my mind off of it's leash and see where it goes when it's completely free.

I want to renew a love affair with an old friend. My life.

BAARRFF!

I quit. :)

"And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me. Shine until tomorrow, let it be."

Nothing like an impromptu barefoot bike ride at 11pm to really clear your head. I just want to say, I might be wrong about a lot of stuff-- I know I'm wrong about a lot of stuff, but I just can't see how that could matter.

I'm nowhere near as great as I want people to think I am... but I'm still pretty fucking awesome.

The Buddha once said:

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."

I'm thankful.
_____For everything.
__________Even the shit that hurts.
_______________Especially the shit that hurts.

I am alive, and I have a greater capacity for love than anyone else I know.

We humans have an incredible knack for trapping ourselves in little mazes without even realizing it. We curse the person who created these traps for us, but lack the foresight to realize we've put ourselves in them.

Whenever I start questioning myself I just think of something the Dalai Lama said,
"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive."
I'm just trying to do my part.


I dance with the star shine. Do you know anyone else who dances with the star shine?
.I miss you.

"There's something in the air tonight that feels right."

Sorry I haven't written in a while. It's been busy and hey, the Buddha said, "Do not speak unless it improves upon silence."

Well tonight, "Things are not what they appear to be; nor are they otherwise." (Surangama Sutra)... okay okay, I'll stop hiding behind obtuse quotes. I find myself in the exact same position tonight that I found myself last night: it's midnight and I am not ready to turn in my paper that is due in the morning.

How did I let myself get here once again? Well, I had a beautiful shoot outdoors this afternoon for work (the weather was simply gorgeous), I spent time on 'pause' with Lindsey after that and drank tea and had delicious strawberries and kick-ass vegan pizza, then I got home and was unable to turn down a few games of bowling with the roommates (plus a few other people). Rather than freak out over the paper I wasn't finishing I gave myself fully to the game of bowling; I inexplicably named myself "the Killer Bee," I paid the jukebox to play "Shine on You Crazy Diamond," and commenced with the merriment. I broke 100 in both games (which id totally decent for me) and had a wonderful time.

I also had a chat with my friend Paul, for whom I am assuming the role of best man at his upcoming wedding, and decided that since I hadn't even seen him in person since he asked me to be his best man, we needed to get together this weekend... and have beers. That will have been long overdue.

After wrapping up some other loose ends as well, I find myself here with an amazing day under my belt and a broad smile on my face. I accept that I have put myself into this position with my paper: I'll have to stay up later tonight to get it finished, but sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do for these unforgettable summer days.

The 14th Dalai Lama said, "Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." Tonight, writing my paper earlier would have contradicted experience. I had a positively wonderful day, and there's nothing in the world I'm left wanting.
...except maybe one thing.

"All of us are heaven sent, there was never meant to be only one."

The problem with me? Take your pick.

I'm a strange megalomaniac with an inferiority complex.
I think I'm the worst, but it kills me not to be the best. I'm the world's least successful perfectionist.

So what I do is I try to plan ahead and control my present by preparing for the future. In high school it seemed viable: service the future and you’ll have a good life. But one day it dawns on you, isn’t this life yet? Why make the present lousy for yourself just because it may help you be more comfortable in the future? A popular Zen gong I saw a few times when I was in Japan said something that struck me:

“Birth and Death is a grave event;
How transient is life!
Every minute is to be grasped.
Time waits for nobody.”

I don’t think there’s any divine report card coming to us at the end of this life, when you’re done all that’s left is your memories and the lives of the people you’ve touched. If St. Peter is waiting for me at the “pearly gates” after I die, I think he’ll ask me something along the lines of “how much did you love people when you were on Earth?” If there were any eternal judgment at all, the single criterion not too trivial for such a thing would be the amount of love you gave during your tenure as a human being.

St. Peter wouldn’t dare remind me of the time I got hopelessly lost on Valentines Day in the rain trying to find the restaurant while Andrea got carsick in the passenger seat and almost had me pull over so she could throw up. And if that sort of thing holds any clout up next to the years of devoted love I’ve given to countless people over the short period I’ve been alive thus far, then I don’t want to be in heaven’s stupid little club anyway.

My favorite living person, Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”

Life is so
short
precious
beautiful
fuckin’ amazing
beautiful
devastating
so devastatingly beautiful that I can not go another minute letting fear of failure keep me from doing the things I truly desire to do. Fear of pain-- hell, fear of death: these things seem so minute.

Hindsight is 20/20.
Ajhan Chah said, “If you haven't wept deeply, you haven't begun to meditate.”

Perfectionism may be good and well for some people, but I believe now that it’s keeping me from my full potential. I kiss perfectionism a not so fond goodbye, and now on romantic evenings of self, I’ll go salsa dancing with my own confusion.

"buy the sun... I'm selling the night"

I've been grieving multiple losses lately-- both on my behalf and on the behalf of others-- and this seems to have come to a head in the form of a humorous short story loosely based on the idea (see last post) and now this short film I put together in all of about five minutes (it made me five minutes late to something).

It's abstract and self-indulgent, so I don't expect anybody to really understand exactly what I meant in this piece, but if anyone sees meaning of their own then great. I'll probably take this post down in a day or two, because that's how you deal with grief: you allow it in for a little while, then you let it go. I'll be letting this video go from my blog soon. This goes out to Lindsey Smith and the rest of Kelsey Smith's family.

"The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still"

--And now for a short Themindtaker story--

Once upon a time there was a small village of woodland creatures living on a vast green plane under a crystalline blue sky. Mickster McAlister the muskrat lived in a beautiful split-level suburban hollowed-out log with his stunning muskrat wife Melinda (a real looker, as far as muskrats go) and his two and a half muskrat kids. All of the McAlister’s friends agreed, Melinda and Mick were a great couple… even if their split-level log wasn’t exactly the cleanest. You see, from a young age Mick had collected toilet paper rolls, and his collection of mint condition rare and precious rolls had gotten rather out of hand. But Melinda had great fun arranging it, finding new and different ways of displaying the humongous hoard of lavatory paper. She had helped Mick with his collection since their courtship.

The muskrat community gave Mick and Melinda a lot of flack over the strange cache of toilet paper that had amassed in their house over the years. I should point out that muskrats almost never use toilet paper at all—they’ve been quite fond of the bidet ever since a door-to-door salesman came and introduced them to their town. The muskrats even held a town meeting over the ridiculous amount of toilet paper bulging out of the McAlister residence. They decided that it was a bit of an eyesore (“why couldn’t it be something other than toilet paper?” they asked), and it couldn’t be a very suitable environment for the two and a half McAlister children to grow up. Something had to be done.

Unfortunately, Mick wasn’t in attendance at this meeting to defend himself, because he had camped out that night in front of the local Musk-o-Mart to be the first in line to buy the new Softin’ Fluffy three ply, Extra Absorbent 7-Series Toilet Tissue which had just been released (Mick was not only the first in line, but the only muskrat in town to buy ANY toilet paper that day whatsoever, save for the kindly Miss Marjorie who accidentally bought some thinking they were paper towels).

When Mick got home, his loving muskrat wife informed him of the town’s decision to burn their pile of toilet paper. Melinda snuggled up with the distraught Mick in a very soft (very absorbent) pile of TP outside under the stars, which Melinda had laid out for the two of them upon hearing the terrible news. Melinda and Mick held each other and spoke of the great times they had buying and arranging the great reserve of loo paper. Like the time uncle Meyers had used an entire roll by himself, or when they had forgotten to buy baby clothes for their first child, so they wrapped her in toilet paper for the first day, or that funny roll of tissues they had received as a gift with little pictures of muskrat politicians of it, like George W. Muskrush.

They spoke until dawn of the fond times they’d shared over the years, but decided that even to lose the great TP collection wouldn’t take any of those memories away from them, and their love was stronger than it ever had been. “Bring on the townspeople!” said Mick. “Let ’em take my collection of ‘shit tickets,’ they can never take away my happiness!” Just at that moment, it started to rain. First innocent little drops that Mick and Melinda danced around in, and then big dense rain drops that almost hurt your head when they landed on you.

Before too long, it became the biggest downpour that the little muskrat village had ever seen. The water level rose and muskrats came bursting out of their houses to look at the phenomenon. It was unbelievable. Everyone started to get nervous as the floodwater grew deeper and deeper. Mick and Melinda looked out the window and held their children tightly, when they saw a boat come floating up to their house. Martin Mitchum, the head of the town council shouted at the McAlisters to start throwing their rolls of toilet paper out the window. “Let the tissue issue go, Mitchum!” shouted Mick. “At least until this rain clears up!”

“No, you don’t understand!” responded Mitchum. “It’ll help absorb the flood!” Melinda and Mick looked at each other as a slow smile grew upon both of their faces. “No one else has any paper, they’ve all got bidets!” Soon the whole town was over at the McAlister log throwing little muskrat handfuls of toilet tissue out of the house. Slowly but surely the floodwaters receded. The great current was impeded by a great dam of toilet paper, which as quickly as the rain appeared absorbed and disintegrated into nothingness, leaving no traces of the great flood, or of Mick’s fantastic TP collection.

Mick and Melinda were heralded as town heroes from that point on. And the town council apologized for plotting to force them to get rid of the life-saving pile of toilet paper they had collected. Mick and Melinda (especially Melinda) took it all in stride and said that everything must have worked out the way it did for a reason. “Easy come easy go, I suppose,” said Melinda in front of the town council. Mick never regretted losing the collection because that rainy night, he realized that the TP never made him happy, it was sharing the collection process with Melinda that had brought him joy all these years, and no floor or town council or anyone else could ever take that away from them.

That night the McAlister kids had a sleepover at a friend’s house, and Mick and Melinda made sweet sweet muskrat love, all night long.

THE END

Good old fashioned visceral experience...

So... after a little while tonight we decided to head out for a walk around campus (I know, woo hoo for us). We got to the campanile and I decided it would be awesome to head out to the 50-yard line on the football field (a la Dazed and Confused). No one else was game, so I alone jumped the first fence and headed over there. I hit another fence, at least 15 feet tall, and climbed it as well. The top was seemingly lined with razor-wire (I guess they really don't want trespassers), but I climbed over anyway. I cut myself up pretty badly (the pictures above are pretty tame compared to the rest of the cuts I got), but I made it out there and walked around by myself for a little while and laid out on the field at looked up at the stars.

Maybe it was a shitty idea, I am bleeding now and all, but I have no regrets. It was a lovely evening of visceral experience (see my last blog). I've earned a good nights right tonight, and I intend to cash in on it now. Good night world, I hope you sleep sweet.